I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
