i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
