Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
