Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
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