Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
