I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
you inspire me to be a worse person
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
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