there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
