It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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