So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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