sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Randomize
