We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
True strength comes from lack of pants
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
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