I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
