...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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