i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
