She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
Hippo gnu deer
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Randomize
