He is such a slut. More and more my type.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
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The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
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She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
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