I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
