Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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