a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
My cat gives me a boner
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
