Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
