I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
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