Absence makes the cock grow harder.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
