he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Randomize
