Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Never joke about your clitoris.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
