Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
