I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Randomize
