last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Rumble strips road head = magical
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
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