I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
