redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
