I never noticed this but I have a beauty mark on my labia minora
Please tell me how you discovered this.
I was looking in the mirror snooping around
I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Randomize
