I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
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