Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Randomize
