Grow some girl-balls and come out already
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Randomize
