We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
