I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
