Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Randomize
