Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
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