I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
the room spins SO much faster in panama
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
