have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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