I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
