As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Randomize
