Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
Its about making memories worth repressing
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Randomize
