I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
I need moral support for this bender
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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