I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Randomize
