I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
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