last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
