In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
So much Jack, so little girl.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
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