I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Randomize
