Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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