Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
