I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Randomize