sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
