He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
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