careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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