wake up i wanna do it froggy style
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
Randomize
