I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
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