I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
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