I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
