I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
the new term for farting is butt boxing.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
Randomize
