I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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