this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
