Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
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