somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
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